twists and turns, which way to go...my mind pulling me here and there...people shouting "over here!", "no, over here!!!"...i am not at a fork in the road but at the beginning of many roads...i wonder if i can take this path over here and somehow jump to this one over there later on...im sure they all meet up somewhere...maybe they never do...i don't know...this is so confusing, what did u say?...i can't do what?...i am so free that sometimes i feel not so free...i can do and say whatever i want, that is my rite, but can i really?...can i really go down this path over here?...who or what is stopping me?...fear...fear is stopping me...not fear of death but fear of life and all the living things i care and don't care so much about...as i make myself worry for no reason and wonder and dream i finally come up with a way...my own way...all of a sudden all these fiery narrow paths that don't seem to go anywhere have cleared away...now there is sunshine and light and a broad open field of green soft grass, and blah blah blah, u know what it looks like...it would seem as if i am telling a story made up in fairy fantasy worlds but thats how it really is when u finally figure out where u r going...everything is clear and beautiful...i have a plan now...i have one major goal i will work on, instead of 20...and after i accomplish this one, then i can start my next dream...because nothing to me is impossible...all these distractions have led me back to the beginning of this path, this way...i had a vision, and it got distorted...but now the clear picture has returned and i am ready to make things happen...my life is magical..............

...Yes...

and i am still figuring stuff out...i had an overall good day...except for the weird dinner i walked out on it was good...i have so many desires and things i know i need...one thing at a time, i have to be patient...going to the gym has been so awesome for me...i know that if i stick with it i will be so awesome and cant wait to see myself in 6 months...just stick with it!!!...yes, i am still doing Yoga...i have gotten away from waking up at 4am to meditate and do my breathing exercises and am sad because of it...from experience, the meditation has been very important for my self growth...the awesome thing is that it is never the same...even the ways i meditate have never been the same...sometimes its visual, sometimes i see things with my eyes closed...and accompanied with the breathing exercises i used to have so much energy...i have been trying to wake up at 4 but its so freakin cold i just decide to lay back in bed...but i have a heater...i have jackets and sweaters...self-discipline, just do it!...i know all the benefits...i have felt it...getting back home to san diego has been an adjustment, but i am not going back to my old ways...i have been completely sober for 3 months now and dont miss poisoning myself...i feel so good because of it...i feel so good because i am riding my bicycle to the gym and working out...there is so much more i can be doing but i feel impatient sometimes...i pray all the time and know that if i do a little something everyday to get to where i wanna be i will eventually get there...
here is something cool taken from my old book 'Natural Law In The Spiritual World' by Drummond: this is a quote actually from John Ruskin:
"Is it not the evidence of Ease on the very front of all the greatest works in existence?  Do they not say plainly to us, not 'there has been a great effort here,' but 'there has been a great power here'?  It is not the weariness of mortality but the strength of divinity, which we have to recognize, but think that we are to do great things by help of iron bars and perspiration; alas! we shall do nothing that way, but lose some pounds of our own weight."

yes, it takes more....................

                                ...Eye Am Figuring Stuff Out...

...2 Corinthians 10:11-13

11.  Let such a person consider this, that what we are in word by letters when we are absent, such we will also be in deed when we are present.  
12.  For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves.  But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
13.  We, however, will not boast beyond measure, but within the limits of the sphere which God appointed us--a sphere which especially includes you.


{just opened my little bible up n this is what God said to me}
today was sooo beautiful...it always is here...

...How Are You Doing???...

Well???...if ever you have any questions or comments you can totally email me...so let me know...we all have problems, but we don't have to suffer...we don't have to do it alone...i am here for you...emails make it so i don't have to know who you are if there is something you want to ask that you are shy to ask or discuss with anyone else...i don't know everything but i know my heart and i can relate to almost anything...i also have good intuition and of course i am not here to tell anyone what to do...i offer peace, love, logic, and reason...it makes me happy for people to learn from me...i have made mistakes in my life (with no regrets) but i never had anyone believe in me when i was growing or show me the way, no one to pick me up when i fell...i offer this to you so that you don't have to be alone and go through life by yourself...i take all my past sufferings and do the complete opposite from what everyone else did and didn't do...i am strong and have managed to not let these negative memories eat me alive...i am not resentful or full of vengeance...no one can beat me...you might take my body but you cannot take my pride, joy, or love...i live on with my head held high no matter what...we all face trials and tribulations, let me help you come back to peace and reality and a way to move forward...or maybe you can just keep reading my stories so you don't have to make the same mistakes i do, maybe you can find answers here...btw i had a very awesome day, thank you Ocean Beach!!!...

...Malasana/Garland Pose...

This pose is good to do any time of the day for me...any time i feel i need a stretch i just squat a pose and it totally relieves a lot of muscle stress...it helps with my inner thighs and just makes my whole body feel awesome...with your hands in prayer position stand with your feet pointed slightly out so your toes are pointed diagonally to the left and to the right, feet are a little wider than hip width...slowly lower to a squat, placing your elbows on the inside of your knees to support and even use as leverage for balance and to give yourself an extra stretch...also use your hands and wrists to push against each other, this helps...your back is as straight as can be, shoulders down, head forward...your feet are flat on the ground...if you cannot keep your balance you can practice this pose in front of a wall or chair using one of your hands to gently hold you erect...this pose also works your pelvis floor and feet...stretches your knees and lengthens all three curves of your spine...the bracing of the elbows against the knees allows for strong lengthening of the thoracic spine and lifting of the base of the rib cage diaphragm...it is an excellent pose for pregnant woman...this pose also stretches your ankles and tones your belly, and relieves lower back strain...here i am!!!...hope you feel good from trying this out...remember to breath deeply and even close your eyes to meditate if you like...enjoy...

...Happy Halloween!!!...

omg today was so awesome!!!...i had a really good morning class as usual, glad i went...then i stood in front of my gym and passed out a bunch of my cards to people, letting them know about the new Yoga classes i'm about to teach...just seeing al the costumes, hearing the live bands, everything was so energizing!!!...i totally love meeting new people and said hi to lots n got the most amazing smiles from everyone!!!...something about OB that turns people all fuzzy and warm inside, yay...at first i was nervous but that didn't make me scared...just nervous cuz i'm really not the socialist type but i was just genuine and i got that back from people, rad...i love my town!!!...muaaah! xoxoxo...
btw my first Yoga class that i'm teaching is tomorrow at 12 located inside OB Surf n Skate!!!...see you in class...